Lyrics are my thoughts someone else is singing......

Today I woke up and was extremely anxious.  If you ask me about what, I wish I could tell you.  As we get closer to the day that changed our lives forever, the sadder I become.  So what do I do?  Block the world out with headphones and music.  No, not my funky running music, but my what I refere to as my "sad" music.  It reminds me how far we have come as a family without the one I miss the most. 

Some of the music that got me through those first couple of days were:
Storm, Lifehouse
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5KiD-QXyuQM
I Can Only Imagine, MercyMe
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9La_4svq8JI

I don't really like John Mayer, but his song titled Heartbrake Warfare helped me as well.  Different reason why he is singing it but still felt like we were going through Heartbrake Warfare.  Except we had already lost the war.

Then later that summer Miley Cyrus played a leading role in "The Last Song".  The song When I Look at You is my ringtone when Kaitlan calls.  That song was wrote for her!  It's one of my all time favorites, but it doesn't belong to me, it's Kaitlan's song to her Daddy.

Songs that pick me up these days are:

Tiny Light, Grace Potter and the Nocturnals (The lyrics express what I can not.)

Prisoner of Hope, Ali Moss (Ellie's solo to Dave) I can cry everytime I watch her to do it.

Broken, by Lifehouse.

I'll Be Missing You, Puffy Daddy and Faith Evans (Ellie's personal favorite song to Dave)

I just wish I had the talent these singers/song writters have to express their feelings.  It's amazing how they can get into your head and truely take you back to a moment or get you through a moment.

Life without............

We all have flaws.  One of mine is simple: I think too much. In the shower today I came up with this: "Sara is made up of many parts.  All pieces to a very complex puzzle."  You take a piece away, I don't pick myself back up and just stroll on.  I honestly get really frazzled.  What is odd, is I'm just figuring this out.  I think because some things taken away from me now, at this point in life, are permanent.  Family members, friends, time, etc.

Surgery of all things has been one of the most eye opening experiences in what little time I call my 35 years of existence.  A large piece of me is the total realm of Wellness.  No I don't eat organic food, and yes I go to Burger King but Wellness is a total purspectivie in which I live.  Surgery/injury has taken that away.  Will I get better?  Depends on which day you ask me.  Yesterday: "WHY DID YOU LET THEM CUT ME". Today: "This is going to be a long road ahead."  Maybe, I'm just really being a big baby because I can no longer do things myself?  Knocked the shampoo off in the shower, can't pick it up, dang left the towel on the floor, let's see if I use my feet, I really want a fountain Coke, Oh yeah, can't drive.  The list goes on and on.  I wish I could say, this is just tempurary, but I now must live with many resistrictions.  One of those including, leaving my family at the number of four.  I would rather deciede that, not a neruosugreon.

I'm kinda laughing at myself for blogging my thoughts, but God didn't bless me with song writting ability. 

Any who,

Sara